$1,400 · WANTED: Old shack to live in inexpensively

Looking for an old house to live in. Drafty, no insulation? I don't care. Falling apart? Doesn't matter! Want a place no one cares about, where I can have guests over and not have to whisper after 9 PM. I want a place that allows smoking! I don't even smoke, I only vape, yet people have a problem with that too. I have pets! Yes they are only fish but people don't like renting to fish. Maybe they will splash drips on their fake wood flooring? I pay my rent on time every month, I even pay early. I improve houses, I don't destroy them. I like gardening. I respect people's property. So if I sound like someone you would rent to, please let me know.